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Not Deceased

So I’m currently contemplating leaving iOS (at least for my phone usage; I’ll keep my iPad), and moving over to Android again. The motivator? I want to give Google’s Project Fi a try. Of course that means my cellphone options are limited since Fi only works with a few phones. So of course, I want the best of the options available, which means a Pixel.

Out of the gate, cash up front, those buggers are expensive. However, Google has a 0% interest financing plan available that divides the cost up into monthly payments over 2 years that alongside my Google Fi bill would still be less, according to my calculations, than I pay for AT&T currently. Cool. No problem. My credit score is awesome. Easy.

So I went online to apply and it said it would take 10 days to process. Yesterday, in the mail (like physical paper mail. Not email.), I received a letter from the bank Google has handling their financing and I’m told that the other entity that they use to run credit was denying my application because “The applicant is deceased.”

I’m not actually deceased (I think; I may be a hologram, but not deceased yet), so my best guess to what happened is this lazy bank confused me, being a III, with my deceased father, the II. Not sure how this happens, given that we don’t have the same birth date or social security number, but it looks like that’s what happened. So I call the only number or point of contact available on the form to straighten everything out and all there is is an automated system where the only options available are to request a free copy of your credit report or pay extra to also get your credit score included.

So anyway, I could simply finance the purchase myself now, but I’m sour on the whole idea and decided to wait until there is a waterproof Pixel on the market. Also, I’m concerned that this clerical error by this one stupid service that offers no recourse to correct the problem will have some sort of odd ripple effect through all the similar services out there.

In any case, despite digital and fiscal rumors to the contrary, I am still alive and kicking.

Also published on Medium.

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